Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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