She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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