p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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