There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pants are for mortals
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
