That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
