fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
