also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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