Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
