ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
