I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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