I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
