____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
