It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
