and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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