you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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