nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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