What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
