she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
