honey bunches of taint.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
