Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
