I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
