gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
