You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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