it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
