There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
