I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
