Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My penis needs a shock collar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
