In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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