you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
