I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
