Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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