i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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