There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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