I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
its liver damage thursday
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
