apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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