dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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