How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
