Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How does one acquire holy water?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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