I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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