dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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