Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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