Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
