I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
