she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
