Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
