I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to make out with him forever
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
