Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
