I want to stick my p in your. b.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
