Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
