watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
