ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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