just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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